I Want To..

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I want to roll in all of the covers that separate our skin.

And I want to relish in each and every moment,

And all of the unknown held within.

This fast-forward motion,

With each day seeming to grow us closer.

This incredible devotion,

This love makes it hard for me to keep my composure.

You tantalize me,

When you aggressively grab my hair.

My body feels so free,

As we give into this laissez faire.

Everything finally feels right,

As we intertwine with every pant.

I want to hold on and grab tight,

Covet every second and breathe in each sweaty chant.

Every stroke of our bodies,

Is so alluring to me.

Forget everything going on, I want to be naughty,

This is serendipity.

Staring down at your dark eyes,

Takes me to another place.

Not scared to strip off my disguise,

And as everything becomes more intense, I want to look right at your face.

Watch me flip my hair back,

As I treat every inch of you how you deserve.

I want you pulled so close to me,

Not missing anything and making sure this is something we preserve.

Even though we’re finished my love,

I want to lay right here on your chest,

And you tell me right now this is kismet,

As your skin presses on my breast.

I want this every day with you,

And I never want it to end.

Keep looking at me today and always,

Never again having to pretend.

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Seeing Red..

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I see red in the faces,

Of strangers passing on the street.

And red in their shadows,

As they shuffle all their feet.

There’s red in the vomit,

That spews from their mouths.

And you can see the panic on their faces,

Knowing in this red cage, there is no way out.

I see red in the carnage,

This sad world leaves in its wake.

And I see red in its actions,

As it gives less than it takes.

You see red all around her,

Choking away her bright blue eyes.

No one hears, and no one sees her,

As the darkness muffles her cries.

I see red drip from her teeth,

As she claws through another day.

You see a pretty picture,

And then turn the other way.

I see red in the mystery,

Of what hides behind each smile.

And I see red in the blue skies,

As I climb on another mile.

Tip your hat and mask the splatter,

As you smear each smudge away.

Wipe the red lipstick you woke up in,

Freshen up, and start the day.

See each red in all its glory,

Knowing the misery’s intact.

Live each day with every scar like a battle,

Lady warrior, loner, ready for war and the attack.

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Blood Type: Mass Chaos

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Insane in the name of patriotic progress, we shuffle to each location.

Crippling from the inside-out, and being watched by every nation.

A country full of rage and separation, and counting down to implosion,

Almost too lost to be saved, and our souls infected with erosion.

War-torn, and a spinning money-hungry fireball,

The Earth starts spinning in the opposite direction.

The clock is ticking away for the short time left to make amends,

Now starts the days of an insurrection.

The green grass turns brown, and the blue sky turns gray,

And this world offers no more unity.

A nation of talent and opportunities galore,

Every inch of it wasted and empty of a harmonious and capable community.

The volcanos will erupt, and the ground will shake profusely,

There will be no place left to run away,

The violent attacks will be delivered diffusely,

Like an upside down doomsday.

There will be no one to hear your cries,

Those you love will turn without hesitation,

Even the animals will weep as they watch the land die,

And as each human, one by one, give into damnation.

Deserving of Nothing

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I am a heartbreaker

Standing and swaying by myself

I am that dusty, dangerous book

You make sure to purposely leave on the shelf.

I am an acidic weakness

Yet, you still feel a pull

Beating on your chest and fooling you slowly

Setting all the fires, leaving ashes and crippling every rule.

My footsteps leave soot in their wake

And every flip of my hair, a rope with a noose

If you know what’s good, stay away for heaven’s sake,

In the end, I shouldn’t be the one you choose.

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But there’s another side of me

That sits innocently, a victim of my own soul.

Constantly leaving destruction in my own wake,

Always consuming, but never leaving me whole.

Yearning to feel pure love,

Not deserving at all.

Seeming to trip so close to it,

But a magnetic pull always keeping me from the fall.

I want to dance around in a long dress,

And feel like the most beautiful woman in the room.

Float around without worry, sexy and limitless,

Just one day without doom.

But alas I’m a heartbreaker,

hips swaying in a walk away.

Braving shadows alone, no permanent takers,

Shattered pieces, beautiful decay….

Suppression of the Truth

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I am oppressed by the absence of you. You are roaming around in my mind like an out of control ping-pong ball. You are stomping through my chest, ripping away at my heart. The silence is screaming in the mangled words that are forming on the paper in front of me. I can hear your voice echoing, “bye”, over and over, and the sliding of my vehicle skidding down the driveway.

We are but little blimps on the maps of this world. Given one time to try to float where we can. But selfishly, we waste it. Every one of us. We focus on things that fizzle out instead of miraculous opportunities that may be right in front of our noses.

Now, look at us, alone we sit. A very familiar place indeed. This is why the silence continues. The stubbornness of our enjoyment of loneliness. The inspiration of the sadness within it. I feel restless and incomplete. The incompetence of what people call relationships is a mystery to someone like me. For me, there’s an investment of time built around the knowledge and adventure a person can match with me. I ask nothing of them in a physical or financial sense on purpose. I want it to be an open book, not capable of resentment for miniscule things. No regrets. If it works, then a lifetime of hard-earned happiness has bred itself from a place of pure dedication and partnership. If it does not work, you move on, grateful for the company, new knowledge, and passion fueled by intrigue. You mend your broken heart over time with the same two feet you stood on, on your own. And you remember everything. Because a lesson is truly the most important tribute you can take with you throughout your entire life, even when the season with each person or adventure has passed.

Love is an equivalent to a broad-stroke of freedom from anchors in the water. The waves can break against you even while you smile with the wind in your hair. You weather through each of the rough patches, clinging to a balcony. And when you finally get still again, what remains is what is to move on to the next phase with you.

So, I’ll sit here in meditation. Pain or not. Because it’s not new to me. And when the waves are done breaking against me, and the air around me becomes still again, I will move to the next phase, whatever that may be, with what or who remains by my side. And no matter how difficult that may be or how that may look, I will be grateful for every presence that has crossed my path, and eternally grateful for the lesson that each one taught me. Because each one, uniquely woven, makes up some of the most magical notches on the most beautiful of Orion’s belts in my galaxy. And who could really frown on such a glorious sky?

Here One Day, Gone the Next

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When all the noise around me quiets,

and everyone has gone away,

I kissed you once, I remember,

so I think back on that day.

You brushed the hair away from my brow,

I had used to hide my eyes.

I bowed my head and turned my neck,

hoping you would not see the tears I had cried.

When you pulled away, I hit the floor,

knowing it would never be the same.

And I couldn’t even fathom,

the feeling of loneliness, that would soon be mine to gain.

Oh look, how these stars now taunt me,

the cracks in the moon crease up my skin.

I’m melting from the inside out,

thinking I’ll never see you again.

The sun boils my blood,

and festers my mood,

so I keep myself so busy,

that I won’t have time to notice how much has changed,

and or how our love seems to always make me dizzy.

Will we be the lovers standing in the kitchen,

holding on for dear life?

Or strangers in the dead of night,

loving coldly, cutting through life like walking around like dull knives?

Hold me, where are you?

I’m reaching out, running through this maze.

Don’t leave me here,

you hear me screaming,

love me still,

even in our daze…..

Retribution (8-17-18)

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Are you intrigued by the blood that drips from my teeth?

More than that that is pumping in my veins..
This constant siren within me, pulsating my hands to do these things that I can not control. The tiniest part of me that says, do not jump yet. For there is much still left to do.

Jump only when the last person has heard the piercing of the knife that slides in and out of this heart. Blackened like a fish on a plate, with spices.
Some would say this pain is intricately woven through my soul so beautifully. And they would even say that they could yearn for the spirit that comes from within it.

But it is only because they have not experienced the fullness of its wrath.
For if you ever let this pain sit atop you, and embrace you with its love, it will violently claw you open and find orgasmic pleasure in the spewing of your blood. Once you let it in this position of control, you can not stop it. Give it any amount of control, and there is no going back.

You have no idea the amount of dead places this pain breeds from.
Your God cannot save you from the inequities you have so contributed. And maybe your victim will burn along side you. For the hate you started inside.
There so be, burn, burn, burn. If there is no relief herein, where shall there be any?
I would not let go of this pain now if it was all but handed to me. For it is tattooed into me like beautiful scars cut with the sharpest of knives. And you will not also take this from me.
It is mine, just as your lonely death will be your own. They will bury it with me just as a priest with his cross. And only then, will I breathe a breath of rest….